shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
