My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
