Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
