You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
