im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
