Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my shit smells like andre
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
