A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
