Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
