I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
