You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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