If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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