seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
