it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize