I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
