The maid of honor just puked.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
