I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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