i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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