I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
