I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
