Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
