There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
