I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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