Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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