I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
