So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
