Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
be right there i have to get my cape
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
