3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
