I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize