i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
