I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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