Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i will never coherently bang her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
