Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
