I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
