Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize