The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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