i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
