Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
