So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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