Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have fence marks all over my body
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
