I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
