If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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