i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize