Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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