remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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