Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
