Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
