Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I bet he comes in French.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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