whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
