You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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