She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
