Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize