CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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