I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
