sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
