She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
