i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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