We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
