Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
