Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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