dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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