That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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