did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
