she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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