If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
